No Snow

It was supposed to snow heavily for six hours last night; instead it only fell for less and hour. Although it settled, there wasn’t enough and it melted away quite quickly.

This wasn’t the view I wanted to wake up to, although I suppose I can feel less bad about being stuck in a flat self-isolating and recuperating (I haven’t yet been able to “enjoy” the snow this winter). Thought I felt better today when I woke up but after dishes and breakfast, fatigue and nausea hit and it was back to bed for me.

Fun times …

5 Years On

Dad and Niki at Trafalgar Square on a snowy January morning in 2013

Over the past four years, I have made it a point to visit a church somewhere to light a candle for my father to mark his death. He wasn’t a Christian but we always loved looking for churches and cathedrals together when traveling so I wanted to keep “visiting” them with him. I’ve managed to find somewhere new each year that we hadn’t been to before so that we’re still exploring the world.

The plan this year was to visit one in Birmingham, where I’ve just moved to. But since I’m still in isolation (and pretty weak and tired), I’m not able to. Sorry, dad.

So here’s a picture we took together rediscovering London in 2013 just a few days short of 8 years ago, when you flew over for my MA graduation. This was after dim sum with Adam, Justin and Mike, and there was a beautiful coat of January snow across the city for a whole week. Snow fell a bit in Birmingham this morning, so I thought of you too.

It’s almost hard to believe that it’s been 5 years. In some sense, where has the time gone but also, I remember the days leading up to your passing like it was just yesterday.

I miss you very much.

Backward/Forward

It is so convenient, with the current sentiment going around, to avoid looking back at 2020 because what’s the point? It was a difficult year, we all stayed home and 2021 couldn’t have come quick enough.

But as with most thing in life, it’s not as clean-cut like that. In actual fact, 2020 was quite a good year for me – global pandemic notwithstanding – and I want to mark the New Year by being grateful.

That is not to say that there weren’t many crappy moments. There were the clear Covid-19 related issues, including actually getting infected by the blasted virus in the last few days of the year! Before that however there’s the small matter of being the first year in my life that I haven’t physically seen my family.

Being alone all year also took a toll on my mental health and moving to a new city and starting a job in the middle of a pandemic means that it’s been tough settling in and making new friends and connections. I also had a rough 7-8 months of the year being a bit stressed out (and to be frank, depressed) about my career trajectory.

Rejection after rejection was hard to deal with, and even when I did get some interviews, repercussions from the pandemic means I missed out on a couple of good opportunities and I was so sure that I wasn’t going to get a job.

My physical health could also have been better. My neck problems returned this year, and I got a groin injury in February – likely from hockey – which meant that I haven’t been able to run at all this year, aside from a couple of test runs that confirmed I was still not well.

I think it’s important to note all the difficulties I faced. I’m increasingly aware about how much I curate my digital life, and it’s important – for myself, if not anyone else – to remember that things are never rosy all the time. I have a very charmed life, but it’s not perfect.

Having said that, in 2020:

  1. I graduated with a PhD, after a lot of hard work!
  2. I was awarded a six-month bursary that not only helped me pay rent for quite a few months, but gave me the time to send out all those applications! And I finish a book chapter that has been published, among other research activities.
  3. I started a permanent academic position at a university, which is relatively soon after completing my studies (salary, yay!).
  4. I made some really good friends this year as a result of the pandemic, both in person (company for outdoor walks) and online, the latter of which I hope to consolidate in person when things improve.
  5. I moved to a new city – it wasn’t an ideal time to relocate, but I really like Birmingham so far and can’t wait to see what it’s like when the pandemic is less of an issue (vaccines exist – woo!).

What do I hope lie ahead in 2021? Consolidating some friendships in person, do a bit of traveling and hopefully get some more research published.

And find more me time. Learning how to relax, making time for myself and starting to do things I enjoy again like writing (a blog) or taking a bath. Yes, absolutely, more baths.

Happy New Year. <3